


Meet Me In The Woods

by FredasourousRex



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Feelings Realization, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:54:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22138147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FredasourousRex/pseuds/FredasourousRex
Summary: Felaron tells Connor how he was saved. This leads to a more personal conversation with Alistair.
Relationships: Alistair/Mahariel (Dragon Age), Alistair/Male Mahariel (Dragon Age), Alistair/Male Warden (Dragon Age), Alistair/Warden (Dragon Age)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Attempt number two at writing for this character. Hopefully better than last time.

On his way out of the castle, Felaron stopped in Connor's room. 

"You're the one who saved me. That's what they told me anyhow," the young boy said.

"Actually, that was Jowan. I just made sure the others gave him a chance," Felaron said casually. 

"Oh! I...I didn't know that," Connor said sadly. 

"I know. Your mother and uncle want to tell you it was a simple black and white situation. A bad man hurt your family, a demon took advantage of you, and a daring hero swooped in and saved you. But that's not what happened. The truth is messy. It's always messy," Felaron explained to the boy.

"How did it really happen?"

"It's a long story, bud."

"If you don't have the time, I understand. But I want to know the messy truth," Connor pleaded.

Felaron pulled up a chair. "Ok, but you may want to sit down."

"Thank you, sir," the boy said as he sat on the bed.

"So you know that Jowan poisoned your father right?"

"Yes, they told me that part of the story."

"Well, he only did that because Teyrn Logain himself lied to Jowan. The Teyrn said that your father was a danger to Ferelden and plotting treason."

"But it was the Teyrn that was plotting treason, not my father!"

"Jowan didn't know that at the time. And Logain worked more closely with the king than your father, so Jowan had no reason to suspect any foul play on Logain's part."

"I think I understand, but why would the Teyrn go to Jowan? Aren't there assassins for this kind of thing?"

"He needed someone who wouldn't be traced back to him. When your mother needed a magic teacher for you, he saw his opening and got the most desperate mage he could find. That meant Jowan."

"Because he's a malificar," Connor finished for him, nodding with understanding. 

Felaron made a face. "Want a history lesson as well, bud? This one's quick," he said, conversationally. 

"What is it?"

"The original meaning of the word malificar was one who uses their power to hurt those lesser. Over the centuries people began to use it exclusively for blood mages but technically it isn't just that. And originally blood magic wasn't forbidden."

"What do you mean?"

"People would use their own blood or the blood of willing volunteers, and no one had a problem with it. Then a horrible tragedy happened and people blamed blood magic."

"What was really at fault?"

"A number of things. Blood magic was deemed too powerful, though, because a madman killed many innocent people in an attempt to grab at power beyond his reach. Blood magic was the tool he used but it was deemed a tool too easy to abuse."

"So was that the first time malificar was used to refer to a blood mage?"

"Yes, it was. And it's because of that one man that blood magic is punishable by death now."

"So I shouldn't call Jowan a malificar?"

"I don't think so. He only ever used blood magic in self defense and even then he didn't hurt anyone. But you shouldn't correct anyone about it. They won't take it the right way and they might just make life harder for Jowan. As punishment for 'poisoning your mind.'"

"But he wasn't the one that told me? You are," Connor said in confusion. 

"They don't know that. And I doubt they'd care. They owe me a favor. They refuse to owe Jowan anything."

"Because he's a blood mage," Connor nodded.

"And he poisoned your father," Felaron added.

"But you just said he was taken advantage of and lied to?"

"He was. Your mother and uncle can't forgive him though. I doubt your mother even believes it's true, but I know he's telling the truth."

"How do you know?"

"I can tell when people lie. It's really subtle usually, but I know what to look for."

"That's amazing! Where did you learn that?" 

"My clan taught me. But I'm getting off topic."

"Right! So Logain lied to Jowan and helped him out of certain death by recommending him to my mother to teach me."

"And when your father fell ill he was caught and locked up in the dungeon. From what I could tell by looking at him, I think they were letting him starve on principle. Would you do me a favor and make sure they stop doing that? He doesn't need a fancy meal every night. Just make sure they're actually feeding him regularly, yeah?"

"Of course! No one should have to starve!" Connor said, offended by his mother's actions. 

"I'm glad we agree on that. It's too bad you're a mage. You could do this country some good," Felaron said with a small smile. 

"It's not fair that I have to leave my home for this. I didn't want it. I'd give it back if I could."

"Oh, Connor. That mother of yours poisoned your mind. Magic is a gift! My people celebrate it. It's the greatest blessing the creators could give us. Our mages are spiritual advisers and leaders. They're in charge of guarding the lore and knowledge of our people. Among the Dalish, magic is celebrated."

"But the Maker said 'magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him.'"

"We don't worship the Maker but even if we did. Our mages don't rule us. They guide is and watch over us. Like a parent."

"That does sound better. Could I do that instead?" the boy asked.

"I can't tell if that's a joke or not. Humans can't be Dalish."

"Why not?"

"Because Dalish are elves that didn't abandon their culture when human invaders sought to wipe us out hundreds of years ago."

"Oh...I think I remember learning about that war, but our history books say the elves attacked first."

"Our history lessons say it was the humans that struck first. We'll probably never know the truth."

"Well, if I can't be Dalish, how am I supposed to escape being sent to the tower?"

"I don't know, but I read in some old Grey Warden documents that we can recruit mages sometimes. Maybe I'll put in a good word and you can be a Grey Warden when you're older?"

"I don't know. You have to fight Darkspawn, and they're really scary."

"Everyone is afraid of Darkspawn, bud."

"Yeah, but not Grey Wardens right?"

"Even Grey Wardens."

"But you fight them?"

"Connor, courage isn't being unafraid of danger or monsters. Courage is facing danger and monsters despite your fear," Felaron explained patiently. "Even I'm afraid of them."

"Even YOU!"

"Yeah. Even me. But they killed my best friend and my anger usually wins against my fear."

"I'm not that angry though. Or that brave."

"You're still young. You can find your courage in the next seven or eight years," Felaron said encouragingly.

"Maybe. If I do you'll let me join right?"

"Sure. But I don't know if it will be up to me. I'll probably be shoved aside to make way for the human recruits by then."

"But you've already saved so many people! And you're going to stop the Blight!"

"I'm an elf, Connor. We don't get recognition. People will probably just twist the story to say that Alistair did everything himself and I was rude and generally unhelpful in the background where I belong."

"You don't really think that, do you?"

"What's to stop it? Nobody cares if history forgets an elf," Felaron said sadly.

"I'm sorry," Connor said, sad that Felaron was probably right. 

"But that's not something we should worry about now. We still have to save everyone first."

"You will. You'll save everyone that can possibly be saved. I just know it. You had compassion for a blood mage."

"And an assassin who tried to kill me."

Connor waited for him to say he was kidding but he never did. With a chuckle the boy said, "See? You'll save everyone for sure."

"I'm glad you have faith in me, young Connor," Felaron teased. 

"So what happened after Mother sent Jowan to the dungeon? She says that he summoned the demon to punish us but I don't believe it anymore."

"Actually, it was you who summoned the demon, although accidentally. It was a desire demon and it preyed on your desire to save your father's life. It stabilised his condition but he remained comatose. It's currently impossible to wake him even through magical means."

"That's why Mother sent the Knights after the Urn of Andraste's Sacred Ashes!"

"Exactly. We're done making deals with demons."

"We're making our own miracles now," Connor said proudly. "Or well...actually you are," he added.

"And I'll make it happen. If it exists, I'll find it."

"I believe in you," Connor smiled. "What happened after the demon came?"

"It made a deal with you. It got to ride around in control of your body as long as it kept your family safe. Anyone not related to you was expendable. A lot of people died."

"And it was all my fault," Connor said shamefully. 

"No. You're a child that a demon took advantage of. Had you been given proper training, you would have been able to resist it."

"So it's Jowan's fault for not teaching me?"

"I'd be more inclined to say it's your mother's fault for not giving you the best magical education possible, but I'm pretty biased against her after all of this."

"I can understand that, but she's my mother and I still love her."

"I'm glad. She doesn't deserve to die or anything. I just don't like her or the decisions she's made."

"That's fair," Connor nodded. 

Felaron grinned. "I like you, kid. I really like you."

"Thank you, sir," Connor said, flattered. "Then what happened? How did you stop the demon?"

"Well, it had been sending an army of walking corpses to attack the village every night and when I got here, things were looking pretty grim. I went around town and helped everyone prepare and got us a few extra guys. Then I helped everyone defend the city. Would you believe that no one died that night?"

"I do," Connor grinned.

"That was when me and your uncle were getting ready to come enter the castle and look for your family. But your mother came running out near hysterical, begging Teagan to come back with her. Nothing she was saying was adding up right and she was very rude to me and my friends so I didn't trust her, but Teagan was sure that the only way my friends and I could enter the castle would be if he went back with your mother and we snuck in through a secret entrance. I knew it was a trap but I couldn't stop Teagan without hurting him so I didn't really try."

"What do you mean you couldn't stop him? You could tell him to go with you, right?"

"It wouldn't work. We were lead to believe a monster was holding you hostage. I smelled what was going on but no one cared what I had to say about it. I'd have to physically fight to get my way and it wasn't worth it." 

"Oh," Connor said, looking squeamish.

"So we entered through the dungeon and met Jowan. Apparently your mother left him there to die after torturing him for information proved useless."

"Because he wasn't the one behind it," Connor added with a nod.

"He was traumatized and terrified but he wanted to do what he could to fix what he could so I let him out of his cell. While we were fighting our way through the castle, I got knocked out and my arm was broken."

"I could never tell?"

"Traveling with me there's a mage that specializes in healing. She fixed me up after we finished here."

"Oh, ok. Continue?"

"So I went down and broke my arm but I got back up and we made it to the courtyard, I let in Ser Perth and his men and we all came into the main hall together. The demon had taken control of Teagan's body and was making him dance around like an idiot for its amusement. He wasn't related close enough to be off limits entirely, I suppose. But once we entered it made some threats, I lost my temper, and it ordered Teagan and the guards to attack us. But as soon as the fighting started you apparently woke up enough to bolt for your room and that's where the demon stayed until Jowan killed it."

"How'd that happen? How did it work?"

"Well, after the fight everyone snapped out of the demon's control and we were thinking of a plan. That was when Jowan came out and told us about a way to kill the demon in the Beyond. Well, your people call it the Fade actually. But he suggested blood magic because we didn't have the power or lyrium necessary here and he didn't know that the circle owned me a favor. No one liked the idea of using blood magic."

"I bet they didn't," Connor teased, trying to lighten the mood. Felaron ruffled his hair.

"They really didn't like it because if we went the blood magic route, someone would have to die. He needed all of someone's life energy to cast the spell. Your mom offered to sacrifice herself and I won't lie, I wanted to take her up on it but there was a better way."

"She would have died for me?"

"Sure, she would! She loves you."

"But..."

"She's your mother, Connor."

"Point."

"So we left to get the circle's help. I got my arm healed. And when we returned, they asked me to make the decision as to who was going. I chose Jowan. He had the most to prove."

"Wasn't that risky?"

"No, not really. Remember how I can tell when people lie?"

"Oh, right."

"Yeah, so I knew he wasn't going to betray me. And he proved he could be trusted by killing the demon and saving your life just like he was supposed to. I wonder if I can invoke the right of conscription to save his life or if anyone would even listen to me."

"What's the right of conscription?"

"It basically means that the Grey Wardens can take what or whoever they want during a blight. I don't have the actual document with me though. So I don't know if anyone will listen to me."

"We owe you a lot. People will listen."

"That doesn't mean as much as you'd think, bud," Felaron said sadly.

"Oh," Connor said just as sad. "Well if there's ever anything I can do for you?"

"Yeah, there is. Make sure they feed Jowan, of course, but if you wouldn't mind going down to the dungeon to keep him company sometime? It doesn't need to be often. Just...people weren't made to be kept in solitude. Its harmful to their minds. Can damage them, y'know? And he's a mage so he needs his mind in tact to resist demons."

"Of course! If a demon took over him it would be much more dangerous!"

"Yeah, but he's also a person, y'know," Felaron said softly.

"Yeah," Connor agreed sadly.

"That's all I was getting at. He's a person," Felaron said as he stood up. Connor walked him to the door and hugged him unexpectedly, holding on tight.

"Thank you for talking to me. And for being so honest with me," he said softly.

"Anytime, bud. Maybe I'll come talk again, next time I'm at the castle?" Felaron said as he hugged back.

"I'd like that a lot," Connor smiled as they parted.

"Good," Felaron grinned. "I'll see you then."

"Farewell," the boy waved after him.

Alistair was right next to the door. "Nosey?" Felaron teased.

"I just wanted to be sure Connor was ok. Blessed Andraste, you've grown since I saw you last!" he said conversationally. 

"That was ten years ago, Alistair," Felaron rolled his eyes. 

"I don't remember you," Connor said in confusion.

"I used to live here at the castle, but I was sent away when you were two. I can't believe you're a mage," Alistair said, trying to connect with the kid.

"And a future Grey Warden too!" Connor said defensively.

"Are you now?" the former templar said as he raised an eyebrow at Felaron. 

"I said I'd try. I didn't say it was guaranteed," Felaron corrected.

"Right. So I shouldn't tell people then?"

"Especially not your mother," Alistair added. They all got a chuckle from that.  
"What do you mean? What am I being excluded from?" Isolde said as she entered the hall, offended. 

"The list of people I'm thanking in my speech at the end of the blight. I'm thanking Teagan, Eamon, Ser Perth and his men, Murdock and the militia, Owen the blacksmith, Irving the first enchanter, the mages that did the ritual with him, Jowan for saving Connor's life, and Connor himself for buying us time to save his father. I'm not thanking you. Literally everyone else though."

"Except Lloyd and Dwyn," Alistair added. 

"They can eat rocks, the fuckers," Felaron grumbled.

"Why do you hate me so? What have I done to you?"

"Nothing I care to repeat in front of your son. I don't want to be the wedge that drives you apart."

"Like he'd choose you over his mother," Alistair rolled his eyes.

"He doesn't need to choose my side. The knowledge of what she did is enough to make their relationship more strained. I don't want that. He deserves to believe his mother is a good person. Maybe when he's older I'll visit him in the tower and tell him the truth, but he's a child and it's important that he believes he can trust you."

"You...you're a strange little man..." Isolde said in confusion. 

"I know of what I speak, woman," Felaron glared at her. "I will not poison your son's heart against you any more than I already have. What's done is done. We cannot change the past." He turned back to Connor and ruffled the boy's hair. "Take care of yourself, bud. I'll see you again soon." 

With that he left, Alistair following behind him nervously. "You really, truly hate her."

"As sure as birds fly and dogs shit, Alistair."

"I'm glad you didn't take advantage of the chance to kill her."

"It wouldn't have been the right way to do it. Not the right way to fix her mess nor the right way to kill her," Felaron sighed. "Plus, I promised no one else would die." 

"You're a good man," Alistair said with a smile. 

"No, a good man wouldn't have wanted her dead in the first place."

"A good enough man then," Alistair teased, trying to lighten the mood. 

"A decent enough man," Felaron said. "I'm not good."

"Your stipulations for what it means to be good are too high. You're fantastic."

"I'm impressive. I'm not good."

"What's the difference?"

"A horde of Darkspawn can be impressive. What that demon was able to do to the village was impressive. Taking out a revenant with a broken arm is impressive. Those things are impressive but they aren't inherently good."

"Well then how do you define good?"

"Good is doing the right thing. Even when it's not the most convenient. Even when you don't want to or it's dangerous."

"Sounds like you to me," Alistair prodded. 

"Well, then I guess you don't know me very well," Felaron sighed. 

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"If I were good, I'd never have become a Grey Warden. My best friend would still be alive and we would have never gotten tainted. I would have never met Duncan and Tamlen and I would be headed north with our clan." Tears prickled at Felaron's eyes and he walked faster, trying to hide them.

"You've never told me about any of this?" Alistair said with surprise and confusion as he tried to keep up.

"You never asked," Felaron spat.

"That was a cheap line when I used it and it's a cheap line now." Alistair grabbed his arm and stopped him. "Spill."

"Not here," Felaron whispered. "After we get back to camp. I'll take Fen for a walk. Come with me then and I'll tell you."

"Why don't you want anyone else to know?"

"I just don't!" the elf snapped. 

"Sorry. That's fine. That's a fine plan."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's that conversation with Alistair I was talking about.

When they got back to camp, Wynne insisted on checking Felaron's arm again.

"I'm fine. You've done a wonderful job. No one can even tell it was ever broken," he assured her. 

"I want to be sure there's no lasting damage," Wynne argued. "Just let me see it."

"Stop making such a fuss. I'm fine," he said dismissively. He tried to move past her towards his tent.

"Why are you making this so difficult?" she asked indignantly. "Just show me your arm."

"I'm fine. I'm not a child, Wynne!" he snapped. 

"I never said that you were," she said with confusion. "Whatever brought that up?"

"You don't believe me; that's what. I'm fine. No pain. No stiffness. No loss of movement," he listed, exasperated. "I'm fine and I don't have time for you to dote on me."

"Well, what's your rush? You just got back to camp," she chastised. 

"I made plans to meet someone by the bridge right after nightfall. It's very important that I be there on time. Lives potentially depend on it, ok?" he rattled off anxiously as he checked the sunset and moved past her to his tent. He came back out with a small parcel. Before he left he whistled for Fen and called for Alistair. 

"Don't you want to bring someone else?"

"No, the fewer they see with me the better," Felaron said as he ran a mental checklist in his mind. "Ok, that's everything. Alistair?" 

The other Warden shuffled over. "Yep, ready," he said awkwardly. 

"What happened?"

"Stubbed my toe. Don't worry. I'll be fine. We're on a deadline," he rattled off nervously. 

"Yes! Everyone, we should be back in a couple hours. If we're not back in four, come looking," Felaron announced. "Alright, goodbye."

With that he was off, Alistair and Fen following dutifully behind him. After they were a ways away from camp Alistair asked, "So what was all that about with Wynne?"

"Nothing. She wanted to check my arm for the 18th time since lunch and I put my foot down. Or tried to at least. But she would not let it go," Felaron huffed. "Honestly, if she didn't heal it by this point, I don't trust her to get it done."

"I think she's just worried about you. She wants to be sure she did a good job and healed it right. Sure, she's gone a bit overboard-"

"A bit?"

"Ok, a lot. But she's just trying to make sure you're taken care of. That's not so bad; is it?"

"I'm a grown man. She's not my grandmother. She's not even an elf," Felaron grumbled. 

"But she cares about you," Alistair argued. 

"And? So do you, right?"

"Well, yeah. You're my friend."

"And you let me have my space."

"Well, yeah," Alistair relented. "But that's different. I'm a man and she's a grandmother."

"Never had a grandmother before. Never really felt the need for one."

"Now, hold on. This is a person we're talking about here."

"And? I'm upset!" the elf snapped. 

"Why don't you want people to take care of you?"

"I'm not a child. I'm a hunter. I'm a grown man. I got my vallaslin! I shouldn't be treated like a babe barely off the tit!" 

"This is a...touchy subject," Alistair chuckled nervously. 

"You think so?" Felaron snapped.

Alistair backed off and they walked in silence. The setting sunlight shining through the early autumn leaves bathed them in greens, yellows, reds, and oranges. Felaron looked like a forest spirit in the color palette. Ethereal. Eternal. Deadly. 

They came up to a log and he kicked it in frustration, hurting his foot and shaking the pain away. "Fuck!"

"You alright?" the human asked tentatively. 

Felaron sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry I flew off the handle like that earlier," he apologized. 

"No harm done."

"It's just..." he sighed. "It's just that my clan never treated me like an adult. I've had my vallaslin for years. That means I'm an adult. That means I've proven myself. I can take care of myself and provide for the clan. It means I'm old enough and mature enough to look for a life partner and create the next generation of elves."

"They never treated you like that was the case?"

"I was an orphan so the whole clan had a hand in raising me. More than normal. And my father was the Keeper before he died so I guess they don't want to admit that it's been so long since we lost him," Felaron said sadly. "It's not fair. Tamlen was courting. He had plenty of people vetting for his hand. No one wanted me though. I'm still just little baby Mahariel. He was the only person in the clan that seemed to see me as an adult." He wiped his eyes. "But that doesn't matter anymore. He's gone now."

"I recognize that name from earlier. I'm so sorry," Alistair said sadly. 

"He's dead. And it's all my fault," Felaron choked on a sob.

"Hey, hey," Alistair cooed as he gently pulled Felaron into a strong embrace. "Hey. Shhhhh. It's ok. It's ok."

"It's not ok! I killed my best friend! I'm the reason he's dead!" Felaron sobbed. 

"I doubt that. I really do," Alistair soothed. "You don't leave anyone behind. You don't let anyone die."

"Why do you think that is?" the elf snapped. "It's because I left Tamlen to die! We couldn't even find his body."

"Shhh. Let it out. Let it out," Alistair soothed. "We can talk about it when you calm down." He held the smaller man through his sobs. "I'm so sorry this happened to you." He took off his gauntlets and let them fall to the ground. "That's better right?" He petted Felaron's hair. It was soft and fluffy. He felt the urge to play with it but now wasn't the time. He rubbed Felaron's back and absently found himself running hands through the elf's hair anyways. "Sorry," he said as he stopped himself. 

"Felt nice," Felaron said softly. His tiny voice breaking Alistair's heart. 

"Ok," the senior Warden said fondly as he continued to run his hand through his friend's hair. 

They both lost track of time. Standing there for so long, Alistair began to rock them side to side, the movement bringing a fond smile to Felaron's lips. 

"What are you doing?" the elf asked fondly. 

"My knees started to hurt," Alistair said with a chuckle. 

With a bubble of laughter, Felaron pushed him away playfully and he stumbled backwards dramatically. The elf only laughed more at his antics and the sound of it made his belly warm. Like all was right with the world now that Felaron was laughing.

Though he knew it was short lived. "Past sundown. We're late for your meeting," he said solemnly, looking at the sky.

"Oh no," Felaron said sarcastically. 

"There was no meeting. Was there?" Alistair said as the elf shook his head, tickled with himself. "You're horrible."

"I needed out of that conversation. It was pissing me off and I could feel myself slipping. I was gonna say something I can't take back. I just knew it."

"We need to work on your anger issues," Alistair said. 

"We don't have time! The blight is happening now!" Felaron snapped, startling him into raising his hands defensively. "Sorry. I'm sorry. That was a bit much. I'm sorry," the elf babbled apologetically.

"Hey, it's ok. You're really stressed. Just breath," Alistair said encouragingly. 

"Yeah," Felaron breathed. "Yeah. You're right. This is a lot of pressure. Everyone is depending on me. And I've never been this alone before."

"But you're not alone," Alistair pushed.

"I'm more alone than I've ever been in my life. There's only 9 of us. 10 counting Fen." The dog gave a happy bark, pleased to be included. "But my clan was 45 people. 32 adults. 3 babies. 5 kids Connor's age. And 5 kids almost old enough to try for their vallaslin. Everywhere you looked there were people. And everyone was family. Not just some of us."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Sten is distant and aloof. Morrigan is bitchy and sneers at emotional vulnerability. Leliana is too preachy and accidentally racist. Zevran tried to kill us. Wynne can't seem to leave me alone and stop preaching responsibility this and duty that. Bodahn is too afraid of me for there to be any real connection there and Sandal...ok, Sandal is fine actually. I like him."

"What about me? No complaints here?"

Felaron thought on it. "You're not an elf. That's all I've got."

"That's all it takes?"

"No, I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel here."

"Oh. So that makes me your favorite?"

"Fen's my favorite," Felaron grinned. "You're a close second. Then it's Zev."

"He tried to kill us!"

"And I hold it against him but you and him both remind me of Tamlen so..."

"How so?"

"Snarky. He could always make me laugh. But he was slow to trust like you."

"I'm not slow to trust! You just trust people too quickly!"

"Out of the 8 other people we have with us, you were only on board with Fen joining us and Wynne joining."

"Yeah! That's not that crazy. The people you recruited have no business working with us."

"They're skilled and want to fight Darkspawn. That's enough to catch my attention."

"So you don't trust them?"

"Trust is a luxury."

"Trust is a necessity!"

"I trust you," Felaron said like it was the end of the conversation. "That's enough." He went over to sit on the log.  


Alistair was still reeling but he didn't miss them implication of Felaron's words. I need you. That's what Felaron really said. Alistair suddenly lost the will to argue, so he just sat next to his friend. 

Fen wandered up to his master. "What ya got, bud?" the elf asked. The dog dropped a bottle of very old looking wine. "What the hell?"

"I think your dog's a bit of a drunk," Alistair said teasingly, taking the opportunity run from the serious conversation. Fen growled at him, as if offended by the joke.

"Oh hush. Alistair's just being silly. We know Wynne is the one with the drinking problem," Felaron teased. 

Alistair couldn't help but laugh. "A real boozer that one is," he agreed.

Felaron's eyes softened as he looked over fondly. "You're my best friend, Alistair," he said softly, like he was only just realizing it himself. 

"You're mine," Alistair said honestly, with just as much rapture. 

"I didn't think I'd ever find another," he said with a fond smile. "But here you are."

"I'm so sorry that you lost him. He must have been..." Alistair trailed off. With a heavy sigh he looked over at his friend. "He must have been a great guy."

"He was," Felaron chuckled. "He had his flaws. He was grumpy and hated humans so much. He snored and was just as bullheaded as me but he was so much smarter. He could memorize an entire forest after walking through it once and knew so much more about our history than I did," he went on fondly. Then his face suddenly looked pained again. "It was that knowledge that killed him, wasn't it? He knew too much and wanted to know more. So he touched the mirror. It wasn't my fault. Not really," Felaron said thoughtfully. 

"I don't really know what you're talking about, but I'm inclined to agree that it wasn't your fault," Alistair said cautiously.

"Right," Felaron sighed. "Right. I was supposed to tell you about that."

"You don't have to...if it's too painful, I mean," Alistair said softly. 

"I said I'd tell you what happened. It's important that someone knows," the elf said sadly. 

"Ok. Take your time," Alistair encouraged. 

Felaron took a deep breath and looked at his hands. "Tamlen and I were out hunting close to camp and we caught the trail of some humans. We figured they were bandits or elf hunters so we chased them down. They were far too close to camp for comfort in any case."

"What's an elf hunter?"

"A human with too much money and too much time on their hands that makes sport of hunting Dalish in the woods because...I don't know why...because we're different? Or because there's no legal consequences maybe?"

"That's horrible!"

"Yeah, I know. But that's not the point."

"Right. Sorry," Alistair shook his head at the terrible reality he just found out about. "Continue."

"So these humans were too close to camp. Standard procedure is to kill them all outright. Because it's almost never not bandits or elf hunters, see?"

"Yeah, but I take it these guys weren't?"

"Yeah. They were, I dunno, farmers? Something like that. They had no weapons and looked like they didn't know the handle from the pointy end to begin with," he chuckled. "But Tamlen didn't really care," he continued with a sigh. "He wanted to kill them for getting too close to our camp. I wanted to know why they were even that far from their farms to begin with. So we questioned them." He took a deep breath. "If we'd killed them right away, he'd be alive."

"But those farmers would be dead. Innocents would be dead."

"I wouldn't know they were innocent."

"You'd know. You said they had no weapons. You'd know. It would haunt you."

"It wouldn't. I would have justified it to myself. I would have told myself whatever I needed to to survive."

"I don't believe that."

"I kill people all the time! It's fine. This would be no different."

"They were defenseless! You knew it was wrong to kill them! And that's why you didn't. Right?"

"We didn't. I convinced Tamlen to let them live."

"Good," Alistair said with a heavy sigh. "That's good."

"He wasn't happy about it. But he let me make the call so he had to suck it up," Felaron said with a sad chuckle. "Grumpy bastard. Always was a bit of a sadist." He scratched his neck. "I miss the bastard."

"I'm sorry...I don't think I would like him but...well, you did," Alistair said with an awkward smile. "So he couldn't be all that bad."

"I loved him but he was an ass," Felaron said shaking his head fondly. "He could be sweet too...when he wanted to be," he chuckled. "This one time," he shook his head and chuckled to himself. "This one time he nicked a bird while we were deer hunting. Broke its wing real bad. Well, the Keeper wouldn't heal it. She said we needed to learn to be more careful so we had to nurse it back to health the hard way." He sighed. "We were so young. Only just got our vallaslin. We didn't have a clue what we were doing but we took care of that bird the best we could. He loved that bird. It would sing with him and sat on his shoulder all day. It nested next to his pillow at night."

"Wow, and it was a wild bird?"

"Well, yeah. We accidentally tamed it, but that's pretty common for our people," Felaron shrugged. "Even after its wing healed, it would follow him around...like Fen follows me, y'know?" 

Alistair smiled fondly and nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"When that bird took off for the first time and flew on its own," he shook his head with a dreamy sigh. "It was beautiful. Tamlen cried. I even cried."

"Softie," Alistair teased with a grin. 

"Shut up," Felaron sighed punching his arm. "The point is, he's not a total asshole."

"That's fair," Alistair nodded. "He still wanted to kill innocent farmers though. What were they doing out in the middle of the woods?"

"I don't remember why they were in the woods in the first place but they were near our camp because they were lost. They'd stumbled upon some old ruins and were plundering them when a demon appeared and scared them half to death. They ran and ran and ran and then we stopped them for being too close to our camp. When they showed us what they found...I couldn't believe my eyes," he said, seemingly still in awe.

"What was it?"

"It was an old stone tablet, but it had an inscription on it in elven. Written elven! So little writing still exists, but these humans just stumbled onto it accidentally. We've been looking for centuries and they stumbled upon it in an afternoon? I couldn't believe it!"

"Is elven writing really that rare? I had no idea."

"It's extremely rare! And valuable! They were planning on selling it. They had no idea what they'd stumbled upon. The magnitude of it!"

"What happened next?"

"We shooed them away and went looking for the ruins, of course. I wasn't sure if we should alert the Keeper first or not but Tamlen was too excited to wait and we raced to were the ruins were supposed to be. I won."

"Of course you did," Alistair chuckled, shaking his head fondly. 

"And again I wanted to at least let the Keeper know what we're doing but Tamlen was too excited to leave. I wound up leading us through it since I was feeling more cautious than him that day."

"That's rare," Alistair teased.

"Not really...it's rare that I wake up feeling more cautious than you but Tamlen and I swapped all the time. We were both equally chaotic."

"That's horrifying," Alistair teased. 

Felaron rolled his eyes. "Anyways! We explored the ruins, killing demons and walking dead as we went. We found signs that pointed to ancient elves and humans living there together. And they were worshipping our gods!"

"That's incredible!"

"I know! So we went deeper in and that's when we found the mirror."

"You mentioned a mirror before. It had something to do with Tamlen's death?"

"It was what killed him. He saw movement on the other side and touched it. I don't really remember anything after that but Duncan claimed he found me outside the ruins. I woke up three days later but we didn't know at the time that I'd been tainted. Not yet anyways," Felaron sighed. "The Keeper sent me and Merrill to go find Tamlen to bring him home."

"Wait, hold on. Who's Merrill?"

"The Keeper's First. She had caught Tamlen's eye but he hadn't finished her betrothal gift before he disappeared. I don't really need to keep that a secret anymore since he's dead."

Alistair's eyes were suddenly wide open. "Your Keeper sent Tamlen's best friend and the woman he intended to marry to find his body?"

"We were still holding onto hope that he was alive."

"Still! And you had just woken up after 3 days!"

"We didn't know how serious it all was until later. We certainly weren't expecting darkspawn overrunning that section of the forest!"

"Darkspawn?"

"Yeah! A whole bunch of them. They weren't very tough though. We cut through them pretty easy just the two of us. Then again we were both desperate to find Tamlen so we weren't messing around."

"Duncan did say the darkspawn in the area were surprisingly weak...but it was still impressive that you were able to make such quick work of them, nonetheless," Alistair mused.

"I guess so. Well he was in the ruins, back where we found the mirror. He said it originated in Tevinter but I think the ancient magisters stole it from my people. There was elven writing all over it!"

"That makes sense."

"But the mirror had the darkspawn's taint."

"How is that even possible?"

"I don't know," Felaron shrugged. "But it did. That's how I got tainted. And that's when Duncan knew I was going to die. He wanted to go back and talk to the Keeper right away. He wanted me for the Grey Wardens. I know that now. And I'm grateful for my life but...if we'd found Tamlen...if he was still alive...how different would things be?" Alistair put an arm around his shoulders. "Would he have survived the joining? Would he have been sent to the tower with us? Or instead of me? Would he have been on the ground with all the others?"

"I don't know...I don't know how things would be different...but I doubt they'd be better," the other Warden said. "If one of you had to die, I'm glad it wasn't you."

"I don't know if I am...do I even have that right? Do I even have a right not to be? Tamlen is dead and I still live. How can I be happy knowing that?"

"Well, what do you think Tamlen would want you to do? Would he want you to fall on your blade in grief or would he want you to live?"

"Using my own words against me? That's low."

"It's good advice. At least I thought so. It helped me...maybe it can help you?"

"And you call me soft," Felaron teased even as he leaned into Alistair's chest.

"Yeah," Alistair chuckled, holding him close and ruffling his hair. "You're the soft one for sure. I can't believe how soft you are," he teased. "I mean grow a spine, bud. Think for yourself for the love of Andraste."

"Shut up," Felaron chuckled. He pushed Alistair's face away. 

"Hey," Alistair laughed. "Watch the nose."

"Hard not too. Such a big target."

"Oh, ha ha. You're hilarious," he rolled his eyes. 

"I am aren't I?" Felaron grinned, making them both laugh. "Thank you," he said softly.

"What are friends for?" Alistair said, rubbing his back. 

"Dieing apparently," Felaron sighed.

"Not yet," Alistair sighed. "I won't leave you alone just yet."

Felaron smiled. "Then I won't leave you either."

The sun had been down for a while, and the moons hung low in the sky, bathing everything in a soft bluish light. With his arm around Felaron as they watched Fen running around and chasing night birds, everything seemed right. It felt like this was how the world should always be. Like this is how it was always meant to be. His best friend and his best friend's mabari. Was it supposed to feel this good?

"We probably don't have much longer," Felaron said softly. 

"Hm?"

"I told them to look for us if we weren't back in four hours. It's been at least three so they'll come looking for us soon."

"Oh, right. Better head back then."

"I don't want to leave," Felaron chuckled nervously. 

"Me neither," Alistair chuckled just the same.

"Oh! I just remembered," the elf perked up. He reached for the package he'd brought with them. "This is for you."

"What?" Alistair blinked, taking the package into his hands. "For me?"

"Open it," Felaron prompted giddily. He was adorable. 

Alistair couldn't contain himself as he tore into the package. Parchment paper was tossed aside to reveal a tiny box. "What is this?" he asked with confusion. 

"Just open it!" Felaron urged excitedly. 

Alistair removed the twine wrapped around the box and cautiously removed the lid. Inside, to his utter shock and amazement, sat his mother's amulet. It had been repaired but he was pretty sure it was the same necklace. "How? Where did you find this?"

"At Redcliff castle. In the study," Felaron said, seemingly just as excited as him.

"In the arl's study? He must have had it repaired...and maybe he had it with him one of the times he came to the monastery...not that I'd have given him the time of day anyhow," Alistair babbled. 

"Alistair," Felaron sighed sadly.

"Thank you...Truly...I really mean it..I'm glad to have this back. I thought I lost it to my own stupidity so long ago," he said earnestly. "Did you remember me mentioning it? Wow...I'm used to people not listening when I go on about things.."

"I'm sorry. Did you say something?" Felaron teased.

"Oh, har har. What about this gesture I'm making? Can you hear that?" Alistair shot back, flipping his friend off.

Felaron pushed him away with a laugh. "Loud and clear, asshole!" 

Alistair fell off the log in his laughter, making Felaron fall backwards laughing off the log as well. "Careful," he teased. Laughing together with someone never felt so right. His heart felt light. Lighter than it probably should. Making the entirety of the Grey Warden forces burst out in laughter didn't feel as fulfilling as making this one elf fall over himself laughing. Was that just the effect Felaron had on people? Did Tamlen feel this way whenever he made Felaron laugh?

Felaron climbed back onto the log and offered Alistair a hand. "C'mon," he said with a grin more brilliant than the sun itself. 

Alistair took the hand and climbed back onto the log. "Thanks," he said with a grunt.

"Put it on," Felaron urged, gesturing to the amulet. 

"Oh, right!" Alistair said, hurrying to pull it out and latch the chain around his neck. His fingers were too clumsy though, and he couldn't get it to latch.

"Let me get it," Felaron sighed fondly. He latched it no problem with his dexterous little fingers. "There."

"Thank you," Alistair said, sighing contentedly. "It feels good to have it back." He looked at the amulet in his hand. "I can't believe he fixed it...or that you found it."

"Perhaps you matter to him more than you think," Felaron suggested.

"Perhaps so...it's something to ask him about that's for sure...if he wakes up...Oh, I hope he wakes up," Alistair babbled sadly. 

"He'll wake up. I said I'd find this magic urn and I will," Felaron said sternly.  


"It's not the urn that's magic. It's supposed to be the ashes themselves," Alistair explained. 

"I wonder what those ashes are really made of then?" Felaron wondered out loud. 

"I don't know. It's possible that it actually is Andraste's ashes and the Maker really did bless them with healing capabilities."

"I suppose it's also possible that the Creators blessed them as well. Yknow, because of what Andraste did to help free the elves," Felaron suggested.

"You know..." Alistair thought on it. "That's actually pretty possible."

"Yeah, and people just thought it was the Maker but it wasn't. It was the Creators."

"If that's what you need to believe," Alistair chuckled. 

"It is."

"Ok. That'll be our story then. I know how hard it is to be committed to something you don't believe in."

"Thank you, Alistair," Felaron said fondly.  
His eyes were soft and his smile was sweet. He was so handsome. It made Alistair's chest light. 

Friendship didn't feel this way. It didn't make your heart beat faster. You didn't blush like an idiot. This wasn't just friendship. It was something more.

"Don't worry about it," Alistair said with a well practiced chuckle. 

What in the Maker's name was wrong with him? Felaron was his friend. He was also a man. Alistair had never considered men particularly attractive. He'd never imagined himself with a man. But he couldn't help imagining himself with Felaron. Holding hands and kissing and cuddling by the fire. His chest tightened. I'm human, he thought. Felaron would never feel the same.

"Our four hours are definitely up," Felaron sighed as he looked up at the moons.

Alistair looked up too. "We should hurry back before they come looking for us," he said. "What're you going to tell them?"

"I'll make something up," Felaron said as he stood up. 

"It'll have to be believable," Alistair grunted as he stood up. He picked up his gauntlets and followed his friend. 

"I know," the elf said thoughtfully as he walked towards camp. "We can't say that we killed anyone because there's no blood on us...and we can't say they didn't show because the package is gone...hmmm..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when I'm going to continue this or even if I am so I'll leave it here.  
> Thanks for reading though!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I look forward to continuing this one!


End file.
